There have been so many things coming full circle since January, so many parallel areas in my life (big and small) that I sometimes feel like I am living on multiple plains.
Or perhaps it's the best (or worst) of my analytical nature kicking in. Hmm.
Example: my oh-so-cute-happy-40th-birthday nose piercing.
I did it for me, after waiting more than 20 years to finally do it. The healing was just about complete when my toddler bashed me in the nose. Ouch! Once, twice, too many times to count, the wound was reopened and the healing delayed. He finally understood how sensitive Mommy was and has pretty much kept his hands away from my face. The last few months have been fairly bash-free, but now the healing-delayer is me. Make-up, over-cleaning, over-cleaning, over-cleaning keep irritating my piercing and it protests painfully. Why oh why won't I leave well enough ALONE? Because I think I'm helping. That without my attention, things will get worse. I do that A LOT.
This morning, my cute nose isn't so cute. I had hoped to progress to a hoop, but I will now have to wait even longer. Sigh. And it's all my doing. Doggone it.
The program I've been on since February really helped to streamline my life. It required tremendous discipline. This last week or so since I transitioned off of that phase to one with more choices has been sooo difficult. My self-care has dipped dangerously. I fluctuate all over the place. emotionally and otherwise. I didn't shower for a number of days, but last night forced my self to bathe and indulge in a thorough spa experience.
And I woke up sick. It's sad that I associate stomach pains with my parents and ex, through the exorbitant amount of stress they bring me. The stomach pains started after I had my first baby...interesting that the alarms sounded once another person was involved. I've tolerated a lot in my life, but when things affect my kids, I get ferocious.
Since the birth of my first child, the Lord has been trying to get through to me how much He cares for me, how ferocious He gets when it comes to things affecting me. I have kept Him at arms length, unable to receive that He considers me His precious one. But our Lord is persistent and even more stubborn than I could ever be. That message, sent in so many ways, has been trickling in and is producing a garden of hope in my heart.
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