A personal trainer named X taught me a significant lesson a number of years ago. Prior to our first session, I was already intimidated by her name. "X" conjured up images of a super intense trainer that was going to put me through the ringer! X turned out to be a petite Chinese lady with a quiet demeanor, and she kept repeating to me throughout our workout session that I needed to be more still. After being taught for years the importance of breathing in through the nose and exhaling audibly through the mouth, she corrected my technique by telling me to breathe deeply but to quiet myself. It was more about mental/internal control and exertion versus an external release of energy that actually diverted the effectiveness of each movement.
Each of my birth experiences was different, though I had all three children naturally. I learned to still myself in the midst of the pain and how to get through the unbearable moments by focusing on the fact that it wasn't going to last forever. Relaxing versus tensing up made the biggest difference in getting through each contraction. Making too much noise at the height of the pain actually diminished the effectiveness of pushing through it. With baby #2, I learned how to gently sway through the contractions and it got me through baby #3's labor too. In not being afraid of the pain but being still through it, I flowed with my body instinctively, knowing what positions were best and finally squatting to deliver my baby into my own hands!
After flailing around for the last month, feeling desperate in my situation, vulnerable and emotionally overwhelmed, I felt the steady hand of God gently quieting down my spirit. Through messages at church, timely Scripture verses, being upheld through prayers, and encouraging friends, I got still. And gently, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to me words of love and wisdom, guidance and assurance, lots and lots of affirmation. The peace that passes all understanding, that guards your heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-9) set in. I had started keeping a Praise and Prayer Journal as an act of faith that God would respond to my prayers and as a testimony of His great faithfulness. Writing down things I was thankful for first and recording the answers to prayers for myself and others became thrilling. God is moving, and it snowballed - there's so much to be thankful for, so much He does in our lives that might go unnoticed unless we take a closer look.
Throughout the last week but especially over the weekend, I felt myself in a cocoon of peace. The Lord had started speaking to my heart on Friday and continued with key parts throughout the weekend. One was that my "widow's mite" offerings were significant to Him, and that He had my needs covered. No worries about how, what, where...
On Thursday, a friend offered to pick me up on her way to our local homeschooling store. I hadn't had the opportunity to go since the store's hours were limited and usually when I didn't have access to a car. I had limited funds and knew I would have to buy our full curriculum over the course of the next month or so. As I perused the items in the store, my friend wandered over to ask what I was planning on using this year. When I showed her our Math, she said she already had it and would give it to me. The Language Arts books, she already had and wasn't using. Handwriting and Art, she ended up giving me most of the items we needed for school! I spent $17.00 at the store but had hundreds of dollars worth of curriculum by the end of that day! Through an e-mail sales alert, I was able to get our Science at 33% off. That had been on my prayer list for the last few months, and God provided what we needed!
On Thursday, a friend offered to pick me up on her way to our local homeschooling store. I hadn't had the opportunity to go since the store's hours were limited and usually when I didn't have access to a car. I had limited funds and knew I would have to buy our full curriculum over the course of the next month or so. As I perused the items in the store, my friend wandered over to ask what I was planning on using this year. When I showed her our Math, she said she already had it and would give it to me. The Language Arts books, she already had and wasn't using. Handwriting and Art, she ended up giving me most of the items we needed for school! I spent $17.00 at the store but had hundreds of dollars worth of curriculum by the end of that day! Through an e-mail sales alert, I was able to get our Science at 33% off. That had been on my prayer list for the last few months, and God provided what we needed!
Suddenly. Something that had been put in motion by the generous heart of a dear friend increased to a miraculous release of the means to a vehicle for me and the kids. Only God could pull together in a peaceable manner, in the midst of such a crazy season, the paperwork and way for everything to come together that I drove away with a car today. There's no way I expected that at all. Yet. It happened in such a reasonable and practical way, that actually set the stage for more things to fall into place for the future for me and the kids. All I can say about that right now is that God truly works on behalf of those who remain open to Him. He hears His sheep's cry - and 'tis so sweet to have Him as the Shepherd of my life! I'm awed by His love and His tender care. And I am so grateful to be back in this place of walking in such an intimacy with the Lord. I feel like I've finally found my way back to the garden of sweet fellowship with God that I used to enjoy. Somehow, when I got married, I lost my way. I still walked with the Lord, but not to the degree of closeness that I had previously. There had been such a closeness, a oneness that I felt with God, His presence so near, His voice so much more clearer, His Word I hungered for - it's something so familiar that I almost took it for granted until it changed so drastically. Draw near, experience how close He is. So very, very close.
